West Coast Review

Ever have one of those days?

I was literally up to my elbows in blood. It was all over my shirt. My hands were covered. Everything that could go wrong was.

My phone gave a meow (my message sound).

Where are you? I need a ride to skate practice.

Then another line.

Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?

I went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I can’t remember the last time like anything like this happened. That isn’t an expression. I don’t remember the last time I hit a vein wrong and made a mess of things like this.

I called my daughter.

“Where are you?” She sounded more than a little annoyed.

“I’m running late. Have your brother take you.”

“My skates are in the trunk of your car.”

Damn it all.

“OK honey, have Garrett take you the rink and I’ll meet you there.”

“Where are you?”

“Love…

When you live in the shadows your life sometimes consists of secrets, lies, and astounding truths. I’m a Vampire (but you already know that) so naturally I know all about secrets, lies, and even astounding truths.

Yesterday I was walking my pup on the trail near my home and ended up joining up with one of my neighbors, an elderly man called Mike. He was out walking his Welsh Corgie mix named Goober, and after petting each others dogs, we started to talk. By the way, Mike is a Werewolf. Like Vampires, Werewolves know how to keep a secret.

Mike said he’d once been married to a woman who was cheating on him with his best friend. His mind sort of snapped and he decided he needed a change. Funds were low. He had a plan. He was feeling kind of ballsy so he hijacked a plane, took the ransom money, and jumped…

It’s an animal, a predator, hidden and smart

It’s scary, strange and to catch it is hard.

It has legs, but no feelers, no fur and no wings

It envelops prey, it bites and sometimes stings.

**

It has no tongue and doesn’t have teeth

But it has pincers and poison underneath.

You find it in forests, in basements in corners around

It does scare you sometimes, but not with sound.

**

Superstition says seeing it in the morning makes the day bad

But meeting it at night should make you feel glad.

Some of them are useful, and some are dangerous to see

depending where you live, you better flee.

**

Some are as tiny as dust you don’t know they are there.

But some others are huge, these are the ones that scare.

Some live in holes and await there their prey

Some others build webs, where they…

Skinny Bitch.

I heard that most of my life. It’s called “skinny shaming.”

As part of the body positive movement, thin people, primarily women, are speaking out against being marginalized.

It is categorically wrong to make someone who is thin feel bad about it. To tell a thin woman that she looks ill, or that she should eat more, is unacceptable.

BODY SHAMING OF ANY TYPE IS UNACCEPTABLE.

What I object to, is the use of the word “shame” associated with being skinny or fit. In today’s society, there is ZERO shame associated with being thin.

I’m genetically predisposed to being slender. I was a skinny kid, and once I grew into adulthood, particularly after pregnancy changed my body and age slowed my metabolism, I worked out and ate a very body-conscious diet.

Throughout my entire life, from childhood on, I was teased, shamed and ostracized because I was thin.

People…

Dear Diary,

Who is the man they call Disney?

What magic does he use to lure children to his kingdom? What is this mouse who surrounds himself with princesses? And then there is a tale of a man who eats nuts and mice who dance at Yule time. It is no wonder that children bury their heads in their phones to escape the relentless call of these fiends who prey on children disguised as friendly lovers of animals and happy music.

I was on my front porch trying to get my cats to come inside when a small girl ran down the street with her small dog. Her name is Emily. Most girls are named Emily. I asked this Emily if she knew of the Disney Kingdom and if she had heard of Disney’s princesses.

She said, “Everyone loves the girls in Frozen, or Belle, or Cinderella, but I like Repunzle in…

Austin Durant was spending Saturday morning with a pot of coffee and a folder full of research materials. His mind was on the article he was writing, but also on the end of the school year, his latest landscaping project, and his girlfriend Elizabeth.

He stopped at the sound of the doorbell, then sent to answer. He hoped it wasn’t anyone trying to sell him anything. Two large men, dressed in black, stood at his front door. No clipboards.

Austin looked them up and down. “I’m going to assume you’re not from the Sanders campaign,” he said.

The men pushed their way through the door. Austin backed away.

“I don’t know why you guys even bothered to knock. Can I get you anything?” Now more than anytime he wished his old German Shepard Dogs Lucy and Mina were still alive. They would have ripped these guys to shreds, or at…

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire, Advice for Everyone) is a regular feature here at VampireMaman.com

All questions are from my readers. If you have a question about anything (and I mean anything) just send me a note at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com

Dear Juliette,

Lately it seems that I can’t view a single cute or inspiring thing on the internet without seeing at least one asshat trying to ruin the moment with a negative comment. There’s a puppy cuddling a baby, someone says the baby will get germs. There’s a puppy drinking from a baby bottle, some idiot says milk is bad for dogs. (puppies are bottle-fed with special formula, dumbass) A paraplegic rider demonstrates how she mounts her horse, which is trained to lie down. The trolls spewed their poison all over that one as well.

The simple solution is to stop reading comments on things people post, and yet I…

When you twenty year old son is texting with his friends about the Star Trek preview with the Kirk and the weird space alien girl, and he sends it to the wrong number.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Here is the first of our LWI Survey Questions. Never a list, just the one. Yes, I know there are two but the second is clarifying the first. The results will be shared, minus names provided.

Make sure to share this post around through social media and reblogging.